awake

This is more for me than anything else I think... Sometimes I feel so utterly unhappy with who I am as a Christian.  One day I am a brave, confident warrior who is consumed with the battle...and then the next I feel nothing short of a complacent bystander who simply watches the war from afar.  I take part in celebrating victories for the Kingdom, but I am so quick to retreat in the face of danger.  What does that say about my character?  Am I fully awake to the things I claim to walk in?  I am desperately unsatisfied.  There is a holy disatisfaction within me that cries out for more!  I am what any person would call "passionate" about my faith.  Some would even say radical.  But, by what definition?  The world's defnition?  The definition given by domesticated Christianity?  I often wonder what God thinks as He looks upon this world, and upon His people.  God called his people to do some pretty rediculous things (by our standards). His disciples left everything. So I find it quite comedic when I see people who think they "do God a favor" by showing up to church every Sunday, and by living a "good" life with good deeds and empty, elaborate words.  Think about the miracles in the Bible. There were 34 "performing miracles" that were done by Jesus, and that doesn't include works done by the disciples.  God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Agreed?  So why do we think He won't do those things today?  Why are we surprised when we see someone in a wheelchair stand up and walk?  Shouldn't this be something that we expect?   Aside from this, Jesus also promised that we would do these things.  IT WASN'T SUPPSOED TO END THERE!...John 14:11-13 "Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father."  The very power that raised Jesus from the dead resides in us, and so many times we refuse to acknowledge it.  What have we become as a people of God?  Do we even really know who He is?  I am frightened that we are all Pharisees of our own time.  We have become so jaded in our knowldge of God.  I am desperate to know His true nature.  Simply believing isn't enough.  I long for God to look upon my heart, and to see it truly consumed and ready.  I can't worry about people and their opinions of me...I know God for who He is.  I know what He can and will do and I am not ashamed that I walk in his fullness.  A friend recently told me that "relevancy has become nothing more than relativity".  Wow.  That spoke volumes to my heart!  So called believers thought that the disciples were out of their mind...so why do we try so incredibly hard to pacify the world into a life dedicated to Christ?  Shouldn't the gospel be enough?  If Jesus said that He would draw all men unto himself, then why are Christians wasting their life trying to make following Him "look cool"?  Our calling is real.  And I refuse to be one who is swept away with the wicked.  I have heard the voice of the Spirit, and I have felt Him shake my very foundation.  I have seen things in the natural that people would never believe.  I won't hide or apologize.  I know Truth.  And Truth has awakened me from the slumber the world so effortlessly lulls even Christians into.  My oil is fresh, my heart is awake, and I won't sleep anymore...